Living the dream... or not?

I count myself fortunate to be able to be my own boss. Prior to having children, I had a pretty great job that just happened to be in a totally toxic environment (and I really don't like that term, so because I'm using it, you know I really mean it). The owner of the company I worked for was a wretched egomaniac who happened to like me (thank goodness) but it didn't make me any happier to work there. So when I was on mat leave, after long discussions with my husband, we decided I'd be a stay-at-home Mom. 


For someone who grew up with great career aspirations (to be what? who knows? just something), staying home to raise a kid and clean a home was a strange new goal for me. My Mom had been home with me, but was also a great entrepreneur and she always had side jobs that kept her challenged and income-earning, too. (She's now happily retired but guess what? She is a floral designer on the side of said retirement!) Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself following in her footsteps. And yet, here I am. Proudly following. And living the dream. Or am I?

Building a company is an incredibly challenging task. It's one thing to conceptualise a product that may sell, but to design it, create it,advertise/market it, and sell it? It's an amazing amount of work. Working for myself is easily the most difficult job I've ever had, and it never seems to end. At the end of my work day there is more work. More planning, more keeping-up-with-the-market, more everything.

In addition to the "real" work (HA), I have my kids home with me. My daughter attends senior kindergarten two (sometimes three) days per week and my toddler is home. I have a sitter who comes to watch them for two hours in the morning, and sometimes two hours in the afternoon, but in total, she's here no more than 15 hours per week. While a full-time job takes up 40 hours of a normal person's week, I have a mere 15 hours with help and I therefore spend most nights sitting up working till the wee hours of the morning. Hiring a full time nanny or sending my kids to care isn't an option -- I want to be with them. For me, no career is worth losing time with them. I chose to be home with them, and I'm sticking to that promise.

To say it's stressful is a colossal understatement. 


I am constantly trying to find ways to advertise the company without spending much money. Of course we want to spread the word about the awesome products we sell, but we just can afford the cost to advertise -- it's outrageous! And though we gave PR a try, the returns weren't enough to justify continuing those efforts. Brand recognition is great, but I can't pay the bills with it. 


Clippo's first priority is to "do good". We donate to pretty much every cause that asks. I give prizes for parties, draws, fundraisers and more. We offer discounts, deals, and often include freebies in orders just because. It makes me happy to help, I feel glad that we have something of worth to offer.

The staff making our products makes good money, and I like to keep it that way. That's the "real" labour, isn't it? If that's so, then what exactly am I doing all the time, if it's not "real work"? At the end of each month when I look at the books, I refuse to calculate my hourly wage. It would be terrible, really. That's not to say we're not a success; we are! I'm beyond proud of how far this company has come. But this is a labour of love, being an entrepreneur.

I am extremely proud of the products Clippo creates and that we stand behind the company the way we do. I'm happy that we do good things for our community, and that the company has given me such a challenge and more practical knowledge than I think my business degree ever gave me. I'm lucky to have met all the inspiring entrepreneurs I've met over the past five years.

But there isn't a day that goes by lately that I don't wonder if life would just be easier without the business. When choosing between my family and a business, my family will always come first.

And this is why we will be closed from December 13 - January 9 so that I can evaluate how this business can be run without taking up every waking moment of my life. I appreciate your understanding while we work through yet another hurdle in the life of Clippo.